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Project Sunshine: Final ReportA Firebird Year Initiative To Bring Light And HealingTo Sexualized Violence Embedded Within The Shambhala Community
February 27, 2017 – February 15, 2018
Respectfully offered by Andrea M. Winn, MEd, MCS
Contents
Welcome...................................................................................................................................................4
Developing A Contemplative Spiritual Framework ..................................................................4
An Invitation For How To Read The Report.................................................................................5
Kitchen Table Discussions .................................................................................................................6
What is Project Sunshine?..................................................................................................................6
Why I Started Project Sunshine .................................................................................................................7
Vision ..................................................................................................................................................................8
Mission ...............................................................................................................................................................8
Values..................................................................................................................................................................8
Goals....................................................................................................................................................................9
Project Sunshine had five phases over the time span of one year .................................................9
1. Build emotional safety, skills and resiliency..................................................................................................9
2. Document abuse stories ...................................................................................................................................... 10
3. Form a strong activist group ............................................................................................................................. 10
4. Envision the change we want............................................................................................................................ 11
5. Launch a Shambhala abuse-awareness campaign in 2018 .................................................................. 11
Statements From Community Leaders .......................................................................................11
Sangyum Agness Au..................................................................................................................................... 11
Acharya Judith Simmer-Brown ............................................................................................................... 12
Community Elder, Judy Lief...................................................................................................................... 12
Minister Adam Lobel – statement not submitted.............................................................................. 14
Minister Jane Arthur – statement not submitted.............................................................................. 14
Anonymous Stories and Impact Statements from Survivors ..............................................14
Story & Impact Statement #1................................................................................................................... 14
Story & Impact Statement #2................................................................................................................... 15
Story & Impact Statement #3................................................................................................................... 16
Story & Impact Statement #4................................................................................................................... 17
Story & Impact Statement #5................................................................................................................... 18
Reflective Learning From Project Sunshine..............................................................................19
General reflections...................................................................................................................................... 19
Raising questions about the Conduct and Care Process ................................................................. 22
Attending to those who have been abused.......................................................................................... 23
Attending to the perpetrators ................................................................................................................. 24
Next Steps .............................................................................................................................................26
The importance of good self-care........................................................................................................... 26
Explore ways to talk with others about your thoughts and experience ................................... 27
Identify the needs of various groups connected with this issue.................................................. 27
Next steps for Project Sunshine .............................................................................................................. 28
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Let's talk – New buds & beginnings: A forum to discuss Project Sunshine............................... 28
Concluding Wishes ............................................................................................................................29
Appendix 1: HORIZON ANALYSIS: Method of Reflection on Readings..............................30
Appendix 2: Example Horizon Analysis of Dzongsar Khentse Rinpoche's essay
regarding Sogyal Rinpoche's community ..................................................................................31
Appendix 3: Impact Of Violation On Members*.......................................................................35
Appendix 4: Impact Of Violation On Communities* ...............................................................36
Appendix 5: Project Sunshine Shambhala Abuse Awareness Campaign ........................37
Appendix 6: Abuse-Free Shambhala Vision Session Proposal............................................38
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Anonymous Stories and Impact Statements from Survivors
Story & Impact Statement
#1
I grew up in the Shambhala community. I was sexually abused by several men. The greatest
impact came from one, who I will call John. When I was a teenager, I did my first serving
shift with a primary teacher in the teacher’s residence. John was close with the family and
living in the same house. I had to pass by his room every time I did something for the
principle I was serving. John kept stopping me at his door to talk with him. Then, one time
he asked me to come in the room and shut the door. He was sitting under the covers of his
bed and removed the covers and I saw he was naked on the bottom half. He had me sit by
him on the bed and told me to kiss his penis. I was young, a girl, and I wanted to respect
him and “be nice”. I was profoundly confused. A friend of mine years later was physically
attacked by John, and five of us dharma brats came to my friend saying we had been abused
by John. This is when I learned his child abuse was wide spread. The rape counsellor I was
seeing said that if five of us came forward, there were likely many more who had been
abused by him since it is rare for anyone to speak about child abuse. I spoke about my
experience of child abuse in my local community. The leadership held secret meetings and
sent me a threatening email telling me to stop speaking about the abuse.
My experience of abuse in the Shambhala community has impacted my life over the
decades. Every intimate relationship I’ve been in has been a high intensity nightmare. I
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want to be close with someone, but I am terrified. It’s like I don’t have the ground within
me to build healthy trust. Having been both sexually abused and demonized by my
community when I spoke about it, I have had no community connection for over 15 years.
I’ve resorted to living very alone. For instance, recently I had a bad pneumonia and nearly
died. I had no one in my life to visit me in the hospital, except for one Christian man who
saw it as his Christian duty to visit me twice. It’s hard to admit this, but my intense
loneliness hits me at night. I stuff myself with food and watch TV until late. I am quite sad
about this. My rape counsellor says this profound loneliness is part of the cost. I love the
Vidyadhara and I am deeply committed to Shambhala. At the same time, having been
abused by many leaders in the community tears at the fabric of my being. The
psychological pressure has been overwhelming. It has been hard to establish a life and also
hard to have a meaningful or safe relationship with meditation.
Story & Impact Statement #2
I was married to an emotionally and verbally abusive husband who was a senior teacher in
the Shambhala community. It was very hard to finally realize I had no choice but to end the
marriage. I tried every way I could to keep it private and not upset the community or
expose my husband, because that somehow seemed the right thing to do. It became
necessary for me to seek help from Shambhala when the next Scorpion Seal retreat was
approaching (year 6 for me), because I needed to do the program so that I could continue
on my spiritual path. I asked for help from a number of people: first my husband himself,
who declined to step aside, then the local centre Health & Wellbeing officers, then the
Desung, then the President of Shambhala, who finally referred me to the acharyas. I was
asking to be able to attend the Scorpion Seal retreat, and I was asking my husband, as a
senior teacher, to graciously staff it elsewhere, without blame. (I had program credit at this
particular centre and couldn’t afford to pay tuition and travel somewhere else, while my exhusband
was paid to attend wherever he went.) A person in the Office of Social Wellbeing
was assigned to facilitate this situation. She wanted me to attend the program with my
husband present, and she said arrangements would be made so I would never see my
husband and that they would 'protect' me from him. I knew that it would be impossible for
me to feel safe in such a small and intense group retreat setting, and I made it clear that I
could not do the retreat in an atmosphere like this. Shambhala at all levels, including the
acharya group, labeled me as the problem when I couldn’t consent to do the retreat with
him with their ‘protection,’ and they declined to assist me at that point. In short, the wellbeing
of my ex-husband, the perpetrator, was given a greater value than mine. So, adding to
the trauma I was experiencing from the years of abuse and upending my life by leaving the
marriage, I was unable to continue on my practice path and stay with my closest sangha
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who had been going through the retreat together. I felt that I was not believed, not valued,
not cared for, and simply thrown away to allow the status quo to continue.
Furthermore, this official met with my husband (we were in the process of a divorce
through all of this) and she told him that I had filed a complaint against him, which was
untrue and threatened to derail our delicate divorce negotiations. I felt deeply betrayed by
this official's actions.
The atmosphere resulting from all of this was toxic, with all but my close friends either
ignoring the issue when they saw me or actually avoiding me. The silence from every level
of the organization spoke volumes about the “culture of blindness” pervading and
poisoning the societal aspect of Shambhala. I eventually decided to leave my home and
community in Canada, which was triggering and painful for me, and I now live in the city
where I am originally from in the United States. No one from any level of the Shambhala
hierarchy has ever contacted me since then to offer any kindness or guidance about my
spiritual path or to inquire about my well-being. After being a highly contributing member
of this community for over forty years, fulfilling roles at various levels, including secretary
to the Sakyong at one time, this has been a profoundly devastating experience that has
broken my heart and completely changed my life.
Story & Impact Statement #3
I was staffing a Shambhala Level 5 around 15 years ago. The visiting teacher was
particularly exciting, and I was caught off guard in her Saturday evening talk. She said
people in therapy just moan and groan, and she said it several times. She said it yet again in
the question and answer period, and I raised my hand. When she called on me I said, “I find
your statements about people in therapy insensitive. I was sexually abused throughout my
childhood in the Shambhala community, as were most of the children, and I got a lot from
therapy that the Shambhala teachings never helped me with. I wonder if this kind of
insensitivity is why the adults allowed so much sexual abuse to happen to us kids.” The
teacher sat fully upright as a warrior, and there was a pregnant silence. Then she replied,
“Maybe you will teach us that sensitivity.”
Despite her response, the local leadership was terrified. I had been a dedicated leader for
years in this community, and the council chose to meet secretly about me. Of note, three of
my best friends and my Meditation Instructor were part of these meetings. The council
then sent me an email telling me to: (1) stop doing any teaching, (2) step down as leader of
the small Shambhala LGBT sub-community I had started, and (3) stop talking about
inappropriate things.
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Over the next 6 months I met with two visiting teachers - an Acharya and a senior ranking
Kasung officer - explaining what was happening and asking for their help. Both refused to
help. I felt at that point that I had no choice but to leave the Shambhala community.
Years later I bumped into one of the participants of that Level 5. He said he missed seeing
me around. I said that the leadership had gotten upset about my talking about the
childhood sex abuse problem because it could negatively affect newer students. He replied
that his experience was quite the opposite; when he heard us talking openly and
respectfully about the abuse, it heartened him and made him see us as a healthy
community.
It is hard to succinctly describe the impact these abuses have had on me. The original
sexual abuse has made it very hard to feel safe in my body. As an adult, I felt profoundly
betrayed by my good friends and Meditation Instructor, people who I trusted. I believed
they felt connected with me and loyal to me in a way that could weather an upheaval. I
stopped trusting people through this and have socially isolated myself for over 15 years.
Although I am intensely lonely, I seem unable to form intimate connections because I am
terrified of experiencing a betrayal like this again. Even with no sangha, I am a diehard
practitioner and have continued my Vajrayogini and werma practices on my own all these
years. I’ve been limping along at a snail’s pace, lacking the vibrancy that comes from
participating in programs, having an MI, and being part of a sangha. Inside, I feel like a very
long, cold winter with no hope of the warmth of the spring.
Story & Impact Statement #4
I am a gender queer person, who uses the pronouns “they” and “he”; I was socialized as a
male. I'm a survivor of clergy victimization from my experiences in the Catholic Church
where I was groomed and raped as a young teen by 2 different priests over a period of
years. After years of recovery and therapy, I entered Shambhala as an adult thinking that
was all “behind me”. I became a dedicated Scorpion Seal practitioner. I had heard stories
about sexual misconduct in Shambhala. I had heard that a senior teacher had raped men. I
felt concerned. For over a decade I experienced a few incidences of sexual violence from
both men and women in Shambhala. The greatest impact came from a male sangha
member who sexually violated me on retreats and trainings. He exposed his entire naked
body to me and asked me “Do you like what you see” he told me that I would have to use
his “dick” to unlock the community computer, He would make regular references to his
“balls” and “ass”, and made homophobic comments to me by calling me a “Sissy”. He had a
pattern of acting out on retreats and trainings. Complaints had been made against him. I
had even mentioned his behaviors to my therapist, who was a sangha member, but nothing
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seemed to change and it all got really confusing. I eventually wrote a letter to the
community leaders that included an Acharya, Shastris and Kasung. The accused was finally
suspended from leadership. He tried to justify and defend his behaviors. He was then
immediately allowed to be a Kasung at Children’s Day, and I realized I needed support
outside the community. I obtained an outside sexual assault advocate and non-sangha -
therapist to support me in the process. I spoke to a lawyer who wanted to “sue the socks
off" of Karuna Training and Shambhala. I was not interested in pursuing a lawsuit. The
community leadership seemed confused on how to address the issue skillfully. They put
together a panel to work with the accused. I felt concerned about a spiritual organization
like Shambhala trying to assess and treat someone with issues of sexual pathology. It
seemed outside the scope of our local center to do this. I think the accused needed a
professional psychosexual evaluation and outside treatment program. My outside advocate
helped me in obtaining a temporary sexual assault protection order and filing a police
report.
The impact has been painful on many different levels. I have experienced a reoccurrence of
PTSD symptoms from past abuse. I have wanted to leave the sangha. Even though he did
not touch me, his assaults felt like a rape. I have experienced anxiety, mistrust of sangha,
fear, guilt and isolation. Due to the stress of speaking out about the sexual violence, I got in
a bike wreck and broke my arm. The treatment is expensive. I have felt overwhelmed at
times and also enraged at the denial of certain community members. I also have felt
supported by some of the sangha and empowered by my outside advocate, and new
therapist.
Story & Impact Statement #5
What happened to me is that I was sexually assaulted during a gathering at the home of a
friend and fellow sangha member, who I will call Mary. For reason(s) never revealed to me
she refused to give me the name of the man who assaulted me. She also indicated that
perhaps I was fabricating being assaulted. Mary is a Meditation Instructor, Kasung,
Programme Coordinator, and gives out information regarding end of life planning at my
local Shambhala Centre.
I made a number of attempts to obtain the name of the man who assaulted me. After a
mediation session with the local Desung, Mary threatened me that if she gave me the man’s
name and I went to the police, she and I would likely no longer be friends.
Eventually I went to the police without the identity of the man and made a statement. Only
after Mary was questioned and the man charged did I learn his identity. After the inhumane
way Mary has treated me, I ended our friendship.
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Care and Conduct have said that there was no disciplinary action they would take toward
Mary since she was not in an official Shambhala role (At an event or at the centre) during
the assault, or when she denied me the name and indicated that I was lying about the
sexual assault. My husband has been a great support to me through this ordeal, and points
out that we are in our Shambhala role 100% of the time. I do wonder what will happen if
someone else reveals to Mary they were assaulted. As a representative for Shambhala, how
will she treat them?
Now I seek an apology from Mary for not telling me the name of the man who sexually
assaulted me, and for indicating I was lying about being assaulted (let alone her comment,
if I was to go to the police she would end our friendship ). I spoke with the Regional
Commander in Halifax today by phone. He said Mary feels she has nothing to apologize for.
Presently, I do not feel comfortable to attend programmes and practise sessions at the
Halifax Centre. I wonder about continuing my role as a Kasung/Shabchi. I have in the past
attended programmes, but when Mary is attending or coordinating, it takes too large of a
toll on me being fake and pretending everything is OK. I feel heartbroken."
