my writing as AmLearning January 14, 2004

THE WRITINGS OF AMLEARNING - 1/14/04
Site Map		Dear Oscar, Tiger Lily, Tara and Charles, Wow, all I can think of is wow. What an amazing and freeing conversation this has been for me this last week!  Thank you all so much for sharing your true selves valiantly. Tara, I felt very similar feelings about Oscar's posts that you expressed. Really, I felt so enraged by what seemed to be his sanctimonious, finger-wagging, moralising cowardice, when he, a trained therapist, saw what he saw and did nothing, for the 7 years he was in his little official role as part of the abuse support network, then for 12 years after that. And his arrogance for not understanding your expression of anger as natural, sane, appropriate in light of the betrayal of the lamas setting themselves up to be PROSTRATED to as LIVING BUDDHAS teaching THE TRUTH ... I was almost apoplectic with anger at Oscar, physically sickened. He seemed to be more concerned about appearing like Mr. Pompous Rational Analyzer than he is about seeing that the abuses Sogyal has been perpetrating have DEVASTATING effects on people's lives. The combination of his vanity and cowardice felt really toxic to me. I want to DO something practical to STOP the abuses. But ... as the week went by and my own feelings came up, it has been a profound experience to remain in the dialogue here. I feel for the first time in many years a deeper peace. Tiger Lily, thank you for sharing your vulnerability. I think you are a very brave person. Charles, I feel very comforted by your company here. Oscar, wow, your last post blew my mind. Congratulations for coming here, sharing your thoughts. That took cojones. If you would stop being so worried about the feeling-ful use of expressions of anger that Tara uses, I think you would see her moral intentions in being here and sharing her painful feelings. What happens when your clients use obscenities in expressing their anger? Is there a censor in your office that says anger should be only expressed in 'nice' ways? You are right Oscar, I was angry with myself for playing a part in the abuse I survived. But I was 22 to 28 years old, not a professional therapist. Still, I can very much relate to your post today and what you said. And I imagine that Tara, Tiger Lily and Charles also can relate. My anger is really that you would not come into the OPEN and SHARE with OTHERS here. Now that you are here and sharing your true self, I'm glad and proud of you that you did. I hope you stay and talk about this with us all, not to be part of an anti-sect sect but to genuinely talk about this and think about it and let feelings come up genuinely. I do think this subject needs healing for all of us. When one is ALONE in feeling these feelings about spiritual betrayal, especially when others want there to be SILENCE and SECRECY, the anger comes up a lot about hiding the truth, feeling invalidated. Yes, it feels to me like being a kid and yelling and nobody believing what I'm saying. It hurts not to be believed about something true and be told to hide the truth. The truth you told in your post needs to be out there Oscar, not hidden. Like Charles says, people are so scared of telling the truth that people are forced by the use of subpoenas to get them into court to tell the truth. I genuinely felt very badly posting your post without your permission. I apologise to you. I also believe that what you wrote to me was very powerful and WILL help others a LOT. I wanted to share the truth you wrote and I did. In time I believe you will see the good that came from that. Even so, I'm sorry I hurt you by forcing your post into the public. Please forgive me. Now you are here and we are all here, please stay and talk. I know you will read our posts because this IS an important topic to you, to who you are. And what we have to say here will, I do believe, have a good and healthy impact on others as well as ourselves. all the best, AmLearning