https://www.reddit.com/r/ShambhalaBuddhism/comments/cpyvhe/inviting_input_on_how_to_help_adult_survivors_of/
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Some of the children (now adults) who were sexually abused at young ages in Shambhala do not know who abused them, but do know they were abused by people who circulated in the Vajradhatu/Shambhala network, whether or not those perpetrators were formal members at the time of the abuse. Grappling with this experience is especially challenging for survivors who are no longer part of the community they grew up in if they feel a need to find out who abused them. Their experiences of abuse sometimes date back to the late 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s, before the Care and Conduct policy even existed (and which is not a viable option for them to pursue now anyway). Going to police does not do much for those who do not know the identity of their abusers, even if Shambhala now formally encourages reporting abuse of minors to the authorities.
Much of the current discourse about sexual abuse in Shambhala has focused on the organization, current membership, improving policy and the dis/qualification of spiritual leaders. In addition, media coverage of perpetrators and misconduct has resulted in the *defence* of the ethics of the community, organization and religion of Shambhala. This emphasis has not led to support for adult survivors of child sexual abuse that was experienced in Shambhala, especially so for those who do not know the identities of the abusers they were targeted by.
Several surveys and calls for feedback about abuse/care and conduct processes have been distributed to current and ex- community members over the last several years. Some survivors of child abuse have inputted their data, shared memories of abuse, and provided suggestions for help they long desired and needed, yet their information has not been gathered or shared in ways useful to them (if at all). The data collected has either not been summarized or it has gone toward the betterment or continuation of the organization, but not for the benefit of the people who have been abused and provided the organization with the information it sought to extract from their experiences for itself.
Through following discussions online and at Shambhala Centers over the last few years, I have seen a couple of commenters propose establishing a network or database to help adults sexually abused as children in Vajradhatu/Shambhala to gather data, share information with each other about what they do remember (dates, places, events, networks around the abuse, etc.), or resources that could help them persue justice for themselves. For some, healing comes with finding out who abused them and piecing their story together and I heard multiple people express a desire to find out who their perpetrator was. Often, perpetrators of child sex abuse did not abuse only once, and multiple children were victims of the same perpetrator without knowing there were others.
The people I heard speak up about abuse desired support regardless of current Shambhala politics. They were not primarily concerned with crafting spiritually appropriate responses to sexual abuse, or debating culturally relevant conceptualizations of it. They sought pragmatic support from a social network to seek justice as they themselves -- rather than the organization -- defined it. Their primary concern was not with saving the community or the organization’s finances.
Does anyone have ideas or resources to offer to help begin a network or database in support of survivors seeking to patch their young past in Shambhala together, possibly but not neccesarily including identifying perpetrators? Is anyone aware of others trying to take up this sort of initiative? Have you seen examples outside of Shambhala, or been involved in similar initiatives? Is this a project that could be pitched to the Interim Board? If so, how would someone go about proposing it to them? On what grounds, etc.?
If anyone (seriously) wants to help with this, or has something tangible to offer (a skill, resources, examples from elsewhere, specific knowledge or training you have to contribute - such as building a database or ways to share information/networking anonymously - expertise on child sex abuse laws in particular areas as well as across the mandala [not just the USA or Colorado], know about accessing to pedophile databases or how to research public systems and registries about sex offenders), you are welcome to message me personally, though I would prefer if you posted thoughts in the comments publicly if possible. I am interested in coordinating an effort around this if there is support for it.
(Please do not message me privately out of morbid curiosity or if you have nothing useful to offer.)
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Comment asnickyskye
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A first good step might be making a secret group (facebook or another social media) of adults survivors who suffered childhood sexual abuse in this messed up community. As you gather dates and events, membership might grow. From there survivors might make a choice about whether or not they want things to be public. Thank you for bringing up this dark fact about sham. I was 22 when I entered but I knew a lot of younger children. Every one of them suffered some form of sexual abuse through this community.
level 1
It’s time to genuinely and truly take a look at what happens when a child is sexually abused. It’s not like they stand up, shake them selves off, and get on with it. It affects them to their bones, this feeling of loss of trust and physical betrayal. The thing I am most disgusted by this whole year of “healing” is the inability of the people in charge to actually hear this. Put yourself in survivor’s shoes. It’s not like a head cold. Survivors face so many different obstacles. Many of the younger children felt like that one on one attention they get with their molester makes them feel so special. The molesters know this and groom them accordingly. The cult of Sham will not continue thank God, because no one is willing to look this dragon in the face. No more nodding your head and saying “oh I’m sorry that happened to you.” Especially when It comes from the King. This rape culture will not end with incremental steps! It will end with getting rid of the abusers, all abusers, including and especially the universal monarch.
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level 1
Hi MukposDD,
It seems like what you are seeking to create expresses your sincere desire to be helpful. I agree with that, but when I look at the history of these kinds of efforts, I really see them coming up short, and maybe doing more harm than good.
I guess my point of view is informed by the opinion that sexual abuse is very common, and, like many other serious crimes, it is committed by people close to the victim. The abuse both enacts and perpetuates dysfunction and betrayal at so many levels. It can do such lasting harm.
The way I have started thinking about this sort of thing is that it kind of interrupts a sequence of healthy development, leading to either a stuckness or blind alley. Part of the reason it can take so long to overcome this sort of damage is because it deals with one's most intimate emotions, social trust, and the subjective affective connection with one's body. And our interpretation of the events, and the memory of it, can change over time leading to both positive and negative interpretations.
Anyway, I think there are a lot of ways to help, but one key seems to be having the willingness and time to actually connect with friends to build the kind of relationships where healing can take place. By healing, I think I mean the development of one's inner potential for autonomy, authenticity, and power. Particularly, creating the conditions where victims can acquire the power to imagine and create the life circumstances and inner feelings they desire can be challenging. I am sort of skeptical of the centralized model of the support group for survivors of sexual abuse, as I imagined you were suggesting. I think there a good models for the centralized resource hub or support group, but the vision you described sort of pointed me in the other direction, towards the significance of positive multi-faceted friendship-style relationships.
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