I was about 21 when I met Dzongsar Khyentse – the man who would be my Lama for the next 16 yrs. Despite him being attractive to women, I only wanted the Dharma. I was young and yes pretty and very open and committed to pusuing the Dharma wholeheartedly. Within a short time he was paying me quite a bit of attention, making me feel special and close – enquiring after me – pursuing me actually. I had many occasions alone with him. He told me how much merit I had, promised me many amazing things for my future and really seemed to care. He was an incisive, well spoken and entertaining teacher, humorous, seemingly self deprecating, mysterious and wise – otherworldly. Very magnetising. He drew me in until he began to speak of sex and said it was a path I was qualified for – a spiritual thing. He also said my biggest obstacle was not thinking I was sexy! When I asked about other women, he said it was something he did with just a few women and that it was hard work – whilst also keeping a public longterm girlfriend. He also, confusingly, said it would be for his pleasure. I was so young and would have done anything to ‘progress’ but when he initiated the physical activities then asked me flat out one night if I wanted sex, I said no as what I had in in mind was nothing so mundane and the everyday term put me off. I thought it was a test of sorts.
Since then I did receive many more teachings including ‘high’ ones in small groups but he didnt bring up the tantric sex with me again. So you could say there was no repurcussions for saying no although I spent less time one on one with him from there. There was also definitely an ‘inner circle’ involving attractive young women and some of the men with activities going on that others weren’t privy to.
So then a few years later something happened which resulted in physical harm to me then due to failures within the sangha to prevent or acknowledge this harm and with Rinpoche himself not wanting to know, I distanced myself from him and the sangha. It then became apparent that all his promises to be my protector, to never leave me proved hollow.
When I tried to meet with him recently, several years later, to see if things could be mended, after hooking me back in and luring me interstate, he then avoided the meeting, turned his back on me and lied to me.
Now I know that as a young neophyte I was groomed and later cruelly dismissed and betrayed …. It’s so difficult to process that amongst the amazing stuff, so much harm was also done. He seems to have really lost his way – if he ever really was sincere.
After so many years of devotion and commitment, I am now exhausted, sceptical and although have faith in the essence of the teachings, have a complete aversion toward Tibetan Buddhism and many lamas. After giving absolutely everything and undergoing much hardship and trials along the way for so many years, I have no energy left for that path.
How could someone who appeared so passionate about the dharma, who publicly advocates good communication as imperative to guru disciple relationships and for healing, just totally shut down and abandon his student whom he kept so close for so many years? It is nothing less than criminal.
I was about 21 when I met Dzongsar Khyentse – the man who would be my Lama for the next 16 yrs. Despite him being attractive to women, I only wanted the Dharma. I was young and yes pretty and very open and committed to pusuing the Dharma wholeheartedly. Within a short time he was paying me quite a bit of attention, making me feel special and close – enquiring after me – pursuing me actually. I had many occasions alone with him. He told me how much merit I had, promised me many amazing things for my future and really seemed to care.
He was an incisive, well spoken and entertaining teacher, humorous, seemingly self deprecating, mysterious and wise – otherworldly. Very magnetising. He drew me in until he began to speak of sex and said it was a path I was qualified for – a spiritual thing. He also said my biggest obstacle was not thinking I was sexy! When I asked about other women, he said it was something he did with just a few women and that it was hard work – whilst also keeping a public longterm girlfriend. He also, confusingly, said it would be for his pleasure. I was so young and would have done anything to ‘progress’ but when he initiated the physical activities then asked me flat out one night if I wanted sex, I said no as what I had in in mind was nothing so mundane and the everyday term put me off. I thought it was a test of sorts.
Since then I did receive many more teachings including ‘high’ ones in small groups but he didnt bring up the tantric sex with me again. So you could say there was no repurcussions for saying no although I spent less time one on one with him from there. There was also definitely an ‘inner circle’ involving attractive young women and some of the men with activities going on that others weren’t privy to.
So then a few years later something happened which resulted in physical harm to me then due to failures within the sangha to prevent or acknowledge this harm and with Rinpoche himself not wanting to know, I distanced myself from him and the sangha. It then became apparent that all his promises to be my protector, to never leave me proved hollow.
When I tried to meet with him recently, several years later, to see if things could be mended, after hooking me back in and luring me interstate, he then avoided the meeting, turned his back on me and lied to me.
Now I know that as a young neophyte I was groomed and later cruelly dismissed and betrayed …. It’s so difficult to process that amongst the amazing stuff, so much harm was also done. He seems to have really lost his way – if he ever really was sincere.
After so many years of devotion and commitment, I am now exhausted, sceptical and although have faith in the essence of the teachings, have a complete aversion toward Tibetan Buddhism and many lamas. After giving absolutely everything and undergoing much hardship and trials along the way for so many years, I have no energy left for that path.
How could someone who appeared so passionate about the dharma, who publicly advocates good communication as imperative to guru disciple relationships and for healing, just totally shut down and abandon his student whom he kept so close for so many years? It is nothing less than criminal.