Tuesday, September 25, 2018

sexual abuse in Tsultrim Allione's cult, Tara Mandala

With respect to denouncing perpetrators of sexual abuse and/or harassment inside of the Dharma, Tsultrim Allione is not an example of this in her own Sangha, though she may choose make public denunciations for various reasons.
When Tulku Sang-nag Rinpoche drunkenly grabbed me behind the mandala at Drubchen when I was 20-years old and kissed me, I consulted Tsultrim about the confusing and unsettling event. In response she told me I was a home-wrecker and that I had “been flirting with him” throughout the retreat, so what did I expect? After this I did not know how to act around him. Since he showed particular interest in me I never knew if at some point he would try to kiss me again or if he would ask more of me. I was always uncomfortable and overcome with self-conscious guilt when he visited the land.
When Sey Rinpoche of Manali, India propositioned me for sex at the age of 23, and after I declined persistently harassed me in front of our pilgrimage group for the remainder of the retreat, Tsultrim advised me to keep quiet about the situation so as not to smear his reputation in the region in which he teaches because so many people and monastics rely on him. Likewise, her feedback was that I should investigate the cause of his proposition, because "You have this 'come and get me,' way about you.”
Both of her responses to the inappropriate misuse of power by these powerful men were in line with the standard definition of victim blaming. However, because she was my guru, someone I trusted entirely to know the reality of things more deeply than myself or anyone else, the accusations that I was in-part responsible for these violations effected me profoundly, and I believed that I was complicit in my own victimization, that I “was asking for it.” Sound familiar? It has taken me until now to denounce these teachers for what they did to me because I so deeply internalized Tsultrim’s schewed interpretation of the events.
I was also taught from her council that protecting the reputations of these men was paramount for the sake of their families’, and their students’ devotion—ie their salvation. From this perspective coming forward about these accounts appears to have a karmic impact so broad that is paralyzing to the victim, so it remains on the victims to hold their disturbing secret for the sake of everyone else's benefit.
Historically when young women on staff have been sexually assaulted at Tara Mandala, Tsultrim has denied and minimized the severity the incidents, claiming the victim is projecting their pathology onto an otherwise innocuous encounter, often even using psychologists on her staff and board to corroborate her perspective. Using their expertise to convince the victim they are the problem—a profound and most likely illegal abuse of their expertise. Presenting herself publicly as a an advocate of female spirit, autonomy, and rights, the contrast between what young women have been lead to believe about Tsultrim Allione as a leader and archetypal strong-mother type, and what they experience directly under her guidance is disturbingly dissonant and damaging. I know of multiple cases in which Tsultrim pathologizing the accounts of victims has led to the victim having a total mental breakdown from the conflict of what they know took place and from what they are being told didn’t take place, or “wasn’t that bad.”
My experience with Tsultrim Allione using my previous history of abuse to repeatedly insubstantiate my account of sexual violence in my relationship with Eric Sutherland among these other experiences were critical factors in my decision to leave the Tara Mandala Sangha and strongly contributed to my disillusionment with Buddhism entirely.
I hope you will leave this post as if you are an advocate of women and their sexual safety, the truth is more important that the conflicted private and public images of Tsultrim Allione.
If anyone who reads this has any questions, I am available to answer them. I am no longer keeping the secrets of men and people in power.
I am sure I will necessarily be labeled pathological, or perhaps deserving of the advancements of these teachers by people in the Buddhist community, and most likely Tsultrim as well, as that is a very effective way to invalidate the experiences of others. But in the spirit and power of #MeToo, I encourage those who feel most threatened by my account to listen to the stories you don't want to hear. There is good reason so many young women come to Tara Mandala doe-eyed and leave in pieces.


WWW.ERIKJAMPA.COM
UPDATE JANUARY 10, 2018: Please scroll to the bottom of the post for a recent update following Dzongsar Khyentse's January 10th post on Facebook. The 16-page 's...
Comments

Sahaj Yogi Thanks for your courage in speaking out Sofia

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Marzy Hart This makes me so angry. I'm glad you got out of there and that you're feeling able to talk about this freely. Abusers and those who help cover up abuse don't deserve anonymity. Your experiences are valid and men (people) should be able to control themselves and be held accountable for their actions.

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Mary Ann sorry to hear this Sofia -- thanks for speaking out!

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Sarah Plazas Sofia, I really appreciate reading your honest truth. I've been wondering what led to such a severe break in your relationship with TM and Buddhism in general. I'm really sorry you had to go through that with these male teachers and especially with your female one. All I can say is I relate and I hear you and I believe you. I've had a complicated and at times wrenching journey myself. The only thing that's kept me somewhat involved (and I am intentionally focusing on my family at this point) is connecting to what feels pure and true to me about the teachings and teachers. When that no longer feels compelling or accessible, there's no choice but to find what in life does feel pure and true.

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Carly Mills Thanks for sharing your experiences and clarity. I feel really proud of you:) I didn’t know about Tulku Sang-nag .... gross behavior on his part. I can’t believe the response you got from tsultrim, that must have felt so confusing. Love—-

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Katiza Satya Ivulic Thanks Sofia the Truth of the Heart can't be cover and so happy you are speaking it out loud and liberate your self and others by doing so , with great respect and support Satya

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Mary Klinghammer I also appreciate reading your honest truth, Sofia, and am so sad you went through this.

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Justin Whitaker Hi Sophia, I'm a friend of Erik Jampa - and saw this through his post. First, thank you for speaking out. I'm interested in hearing more from you and any others who have been harmed by Buddhist teachers; I can put you in touch with people who are publicizing the abuse (as per the Dalai Lama's recent suggestions) and groups where victims can come together for empowerment and solidarity - things much needed in the world today.

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Lama Palden Thank you for speaking out Sofia. We have not met, but a mutual friend told me about your post and I am so sorry that sexual abuse repeatedly happened to you and that Lama Tsultrim handled it as she did with you and others. I do not believe that the good these lamas do is an excuse to not speak about about their behavior. These things have been happening to women for thousands of years and now is the time for it to stop. The more women that speak out, the sooner more men will think twice about perpetrating this kind of abuse. If you would like to consult with me privately, you can message me and we can set up a phone call. All my prayers for your healing.

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Tai Vautier I know how much courage and clarity this took for you to finally say this. Kudos to you for finding this courage and may you continue to speak out. There are so many women that know exactly what kind of power dynamic you are talking about with TM but are just too afraid to come forward. Hopefully you'll be an example of inspiration to all of them~

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Susan Glumac Hi Sofia. Your post sent me for a bit of a loop as I thought we were on same advance women toward liberation team. Maybe Lama could have given you better advice but she’s first gen. Trailblazers - not perfect. Recalling a night when I was the witness for a pretty intense encounter between you and Eric when you and I were roomies in and around Manali. I recall your courage in speaking out. My wish for you is that you reflect honestly on your motivation And intentions for these kind of social media attacks. Many of us have gone doe eyed and come out with a little more wisdom and for that I’m grateful.
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Sofia Stephenson Sue, while I appreciate your initial recognition in this comment about the bravery of speaking out, your last comments are condescending and use the manipulative language of this religion. The contemplations you have encouraged are those that encourage silence within sanghas and allow people in power to continue to act unethically. Since I am outside of the system of Tibetan Buddhist beliefs, this kind of subtle persuasion does not speak to me.

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Sofia Stephenson Furthermore your comment makes an excuse for the behavior of a power person for victim blaming and pathologizing women and also minimizes. The term "Trailblazer" is reverential heroic. It is manipulative to invoke it when discussing someone who has misused their power. This entire comment subtly undermines my entire statement. And as you were involved in none of the interactions discussed in my post, you're understanding of them is baseless.

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Susan Glumac Seeing oneself as a victim is a tough place to live. I’m sorry for your pain. Hope you find a path out. You did not get what you wanted/needed from Lama. Many have. Not sure that attacking her transforms your pain.
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Carly Mills Yikes Sue . . . it's hard to read what you just wrote. I'd like to say that Sofia is a survivor, evidenced by the strength and clarity with which she is speaking out now. I sincerely hope you don't respond to other survivors through victim blaming:( Respectfully, I encourage you to be curious about what her Truth triggers within you.

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Sofia Stephenson Susan Glumac Sue, this comment is condescending as well and also aims to shame. It seems that the whole point of the #MeToo movement has been lost on you. But I think what's most interesting here is your belittling comment that I "did not get what I wanted/needed." And then that "Many have." Is your point that if some people are being served then the devastation of others is insignificant? I'm not sure what else you could mean by juxtaposing these two statements. Did you miss my statement about women in the inner circle having mental breakdowns from their close relationships with Tsultrim? My statement clearly does not reference a mere lack of support or unfulfillment of wants, I am referencing the long term devastation of the lives of real people. That is something you should care about regardless of whether a system is serving you or other individuals personally. In fact, it should deeply concern you.

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Susan Glumac It speaks to our human condition not religious
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Victoria SB Dear Sofia, first I want to thank you for your courage in speaking out, sharing what you did. 41 years ago I was sexually assaulted by Sogyal and spoke out then, was threatened with vajra hell by Thinley Norbu if I didn't shut up about Sogyal being a serial sexual predator. 

In 1975 i went to live India and stayed there for 10 years, 6 of those years studying with Tibetan lamas in Dharamsala, Manali, Clement Town and Rajpur. 

Tibetan Buddhism was at that time my chosen spiritual path and I was assaulted again years later by another lama, Lama Topgyal. Then, when I had been seeing him for Dzogchen meditation instruction for several months, Sakya Trizin said he'd had a "vision" of him and me "yab yum" and demanded to meet me the next morning in my home, which he did, turning up with a condom. When i next went to Sakya Trizin to continue the meditation practice, all he wanted to talk about was sex. The next time too. 

After that I distanced myself from Tibetan lamas, Tibetan Buddhists, and went to work in Delhi, returning to NYC in 1985, when there was a lengthy civil crisis in Delhi after Indira Gandhi's assassination. 

In the years after detaching from Tibetan Buddhism, many of my old dharma friends came to stay with me in New Delhi. I tried to talk with them about the abuses I had experienced. A number of them told me their own horrible experiences, including one, who was duped into sex with one of Khamtrul's elderly, married yogis, got pregnant by him and he refused to take any responsibility for the child, who was treated as a half-caste bastard by the Tibetans and reviled by her conservative Western family. The kid grew up and became a heroin addict. But none of these, now former, friends, had the courage to speak out against the abuses. None stood up for me. They all blamed me for being too cheerful, smiling too much, being too friendly. Or I was some kind of a dakini and the betrayals/assaults/abuses were blessings.

Once in NYC i made a few attempts at reconnecting with Tibetan Buddhism, going to Trungpa's funeral (a nightmare of emotionally unwell students), the Dharmadhatu here in NYC (a yuppie zombie corporatocracy with TB sprinkled on top) and then to see Namkhai Norbu and Tsultrim Allione up at Columbia University. My immediate impression of Tsultrim Allione was that she idolized the lama, who wanted to be idolized, they idolized Tibet. I just was not into idolatry and turned away. 

How she treated you and the other women who were told to bare their breasts to the perv who gawped at these women en mass is utterly repulsive. She, like so many other cult participants, is an enabler of abuse, enabler of misogyny. Not just once but repeatedly, over years. 

When you said that Sey had repeatedly harassed you, I wrote him, confronted him about what you said, explained how he had hurt you, why what he did was wrong and he apologized. His exact words are " i really apologize from my depth fo heart".

I've known Sey since he was a sex obsessed 15 year old, when I studied with the elderly gegen at his family gompa in Manali. I was 24. My father had just died, his father had recently died. He was kind of like a kid brother, who asked me questions about sex that he couldn't ask his conservative mother or the elderly abbot or monk gegen. I thought he'd grow up more balanced if he could talk about things transparently. 

I asked him just now if he would apologize to you directly and he said he would. But I didn't want to give him your full name without your permission. I hope it was alright with you that I spoke with him about what you experienced. 

In any case, you have my sincere support and many good wishes.

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Marzy Hart I can't say enough times how much you inspire me to call out bullshit. Thank you for your honesty.

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Jax Weil Barnett Sofia, I would love to speak with you about this. I sent you a private message, but it may not have gone through. Thank you.
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